an update

welp, its 2021 already. i do have a draft post about what's entertain me in 2020, but i have not finish it yet. maybe never. i plan to add some best moment pieces... guess i'm too lazy. as always.

2021 wasn't so bad, maybe, i don't know.

i'm not as depressed as 2020 or 2019 so thats good.

i confess my feeling and got rejected. apparently it wasn't so bad. upset? yes ofcourse. but thats it. there are no lingering feeling anymore. end of a chapter, a phase.

now whats make me have the energy to write an update? the heartbreak? nope. 

something happen.

a few days ago, i had a strange feeling. its not a dream, cause it doesn't have a visual. it just a strong lingering feeling.

A feeling like... "I have nothing left to do... that I'm done."

i have no idea what that is... and its scare the shit out of me. 

i know i'm not suicidal. life is hard but i'm not desperate in anyway. i still have many things to do.

i never imagine myself live for a long time. i never imagine myself being old. i always hope i live happily for the right amount of time, so i never became a burden to anyone. but i never imagine myself die young either.

this lingering feeling is bothering me. its like a warning.

God, i'm scared.