just read a few latest post, its been a month since "kepikiran gak jelas" i won't call it "galau" or "kangen" cuz i can tell how different the nuance is. well its been a year, i guess thats how it start. then BIGBANG comeback so i keep playing Still Life that have sad vibes. eventually make the nuance feels like a sad yet hopeful, i don't know...
right after my last post about how BIGBANG might try to pay homage to Beatles, my Detective Conan marathon reach the episode when a serial killer whistling Let It Be after a murder.
i got new phone, i found an old picture when i transfer files from the old phone. i look pretty cute there. kinda sad why we never taking picture together just the two of us but also relief there is no such photo.
then i rewatch Reply 1988. i just watch it out of boredom. i notice the small detail since i already know what's gonna happen. still crying my eyes out. less cringed. still sad about how Jung Hwan and Deok Sun did not end up together but i'm no longer pissed at Jung Hwan. they are just not meant to be.
i can digest the situation even more better after i read this post in Quora:
i can relate to Jung Hwan a lot. looking back, i think i'm expressive enough-not that i could lied either. it shows a lot just from how i see him (staring) and how i keep mentioning him. how i try to communicate everyday (starting and keeping the conversation last for as long as possible). how easy i'm sending gift (just realize it, too). even when i had not make my mind, my body already act towards it. and pretty sure, people around me notice it so if people knew, such observer like him would get it too. i also confess and tell him exactly what i want.
so i did not hesitate at all, i did make efforts and he knew.
as for timing, i think if you don't have hesitation, you will constantly making effort. thus, the timing will come naturally.
the fact that it end like this mean it is his loss.
gak jodoh adalah jawaban, bukan pertanyaan. sama kaya pertanyaan "apa yang paling selatan?" jawabannya adalah Kutub Selatan. jadi jangan tanya lagi "kalo selatannya Kutub Selatan apa?" karna jawabannya udah mentok "Kutub Selatan".
it happens that he sent a meme about Biden on 9th. i don't get it. and i don't have any interest about Biden or US in general. so i'm ignoring it. yesterday, he sent me another Biden meme. ok, clearly, he was trying to communicate (for whatever reason). so i replied (in savage mode, just being nice (i'm replying a text containing uninteresting subject). i then ask how is he doing (i think i'm nice enough). he then ask how i was doing and spesifically confirm something that he knew from our mutual friend. well, i don't think i misinform this friend of ours, so i guess he wrongly stated the story on purpose to make me talk longer. i'm not in the mood. i don't see the point why i had to explain anything.
am i gonna regret it? nah, i'm already nice. its not like i ignore him on purpose either. i just don't wanna fake my 'being nice'. i replied him well when he talk about Russia and Ukraine just a few days after the war started, because i have interest on the subject. too bad we (the company i'm working at) have a crisis situation at that time. ofcourse i take work situation more serious than a possible nuclear war.
anyway, i'm so grateful today as i can understand my situation and myself more.
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