salyeojuseyo

i can't believe i make this post today.

last year i made similiar post in march.

its still early february. and i felt like this already.

i know whats happening. i know the pattern. and yet i always defeated.

i need help. but i don't know what kind of help  i really need.

i'm sad (?)

this is probably the trigger:

i hadn't make any progress on my skripsi. not because i don't know what to write. i just doesn't want to. why? because i don't know what to do next. because i don't know the purpose of my existence yet.

its not like i could go to anyone and asking help. they'll be like, "what do yo need?"

and i'll be, "hei, i don't know the purpose of my existence, would you please help me find it?"

that's funny.

yep. we're at this AGAIN.

i'm in public place right now, hoping it would be easier for me to holding tears. if i just go straight home, i would definitely cry right now. and so i felt less defeated.

i don't know if writing would help. i just doing this so i could track the pattern.